Advocating
Self Imposed Retroactive
Abortion Since 2007
sometime 20008
I know I've been gone ... its been a busy summer. But the kids are back in school now and I can get back to rambling senselessly (is that a word?)... WAHOO!!!
I just saw where a school district in Texas is allowing teachers to carry guns in school. Are you fucking kidding me?!?! The only reason I'm alive today is because teachers were NOT allowed to carry guns. I'd have been diving for cover faster than a crack whore after a pipe...or..well...this! "Sorry Ricky .... wrong answer ... it's just not your fuckin' day ... BAM!!" I'm think'n Kevlar backpacks might be the back to school product of the year around Texas.
06/09/08
Madonna adopted/bought another kid from some place where she could buy the little sucker for a couple of bucks and a mule. I feel sorry for the kid ... watching mommy run around in pointy bras and underwear that screams for Nair and wrinkle cream ... probably the first time there's gonna be a clause in a will that gives the beneficiary money for pain and suffering.
Researchers found a tribe of people in the Brazilian Rain Forest that had never had contact with the outside world ... well .... that was until they flew over the village at 200 feet snapping photo's while these half naked swingers tried to shoot the plane down with spears. These researchers are saying that we really need to save these people. How do we know these folks have never had contact with the outside world or that they need to be "saved"? Maybe it's one of those theme vacations "Be a native! Walk around naked and smoke some of the best shit on this planet!" ... or it could be they had just had enough shit from everyone and decided to bug out and start a commune or they have kids and heard Maddona was going to Brazil. I say if these swingin' dicks really need to be saved and moved somewhere else that we drop in Michelle Obama ... what the hell ... she's use to manipulating black men ... and even if they don't speak any language or are dumb as shit nothing says "follow me" like a blow job.
I know I've been gone ... its been a busy summer. But the kids are back in school now and I can get back to rambling senselessly (is that a word?)... WAHOO!!!
I just saw where a school district in Texas is allowing teachers to carry guns in school. Are you fucking kidding me?!?! The only reason I'm alive today is because teachers were NOT allowed to carry guns. I'd have been diving for cover faster than a crack whore after a pipe...or..well...this! "Sorry Ricky .... wrong answer ... it's just not your fuckin' day ... BAM!!" I'm think'n Kevlar backpacks might be the back to school product of the year around Texas.
06/09/08
Madonna adopted/bought another kid from some place where she could buy the little sucker for a couple of bucks and a mule. I feel sorry for the kid ... watching mommy run around in pointy bras and underwear that screams for Nair and wrinkle cream ... probably the first time there's gonna be a clause in a will that gives the beneficiary money for pain and suffering.
Researchers found a tribe of people in the Brazilian Rain Forest that had never had contact with the outside world ... well .... that was until they flew over the village at 200 feet snapping photo's while these half naked swingers tried to shoot the plane down with spears. These researchers are saying that we really need to save these people. How do we know these folks have never had contact with the outside world or that they need to be "saved"? Maybe it's one of those theme vacations "Be a native! Walk around naked and smoke some of the best shit on this planet!" ... or it could be they had just had enough shit from everyone and decided to bug out and start a commune or they have kids and heard Maddona was going to Brazil. I say if these swingin' dicks really need to be saved and moved somewhere else that we drop in Michelle Obama ... what the hell ... she's use to manipulating black men ... and even if they don't speak any language or are dumb as shit nothing says "follow me" like a blow job.
Ouro Preto, Minas Gerais - Brasil WebCam
05/22/08
ALERT!!!
05/24/08 Austin, Arkansas has it's May-Fest. Yep, I
will be broadcasting live on the SuicideTickles Cam. The parade
starts at 10:00 central so don't forget to set your alarms. Last
year the parade lasted almost 5 minutes ... NO SHIT! We had 4 cop
cars, 5 firetrucks, 3 horses, one county queen and our local "special"
person chuckin' candy at the kids. I'll be taking pictures and
will be posting them for all to enjoy. Little Rock is having it's
RiverFest this weekend also but hey ... who wants to go grab a shitload
of beer and listen to bands on 3 different stages while watching
drunk people practically screw each other on the river bank? ... yeah,
I know ... stupid fuckin' question.
Talked to an old friend this week that I hadn't talked with in a year or better .... I miss talkin' to the S.O.B. (said it grinin' Roger) and plan on getting into trouble with him (hopefully) this summer. It started me thinkin' about all the people I've known in my life that I havn't had contact with in a long time. And then I realized that the reason I havn't talked to 99% of the people I've met in my life is that I never liked them to begin with ... so ... fuck 'em.
Blue Anchor Bay at Lake of the Ozarks, MO.
Talked to an old friend this week that I hadn't talked with in a year or better .... I miss talkin' to the S.O.B. (said it grinin' Roger) and plan on getting into trouble with him (hopefully) this summer. It started me thinkin' about all the people I've known in my life that I havn't had contact with in a long time. And then I realized that the reason I havn't talked to 99% of the people I've met in my life is that I never liked them to begin with ... so ... fuck 'em.
Blue Anchor Bay at Lake of the Ozarks, MO.
05/17/08
Got a van last week. I know ... what kinda stupid shit would buy a van when gas prices are "bend over and take it" high? ... (fuckin' OPEC and Goerge W. Noballs) Anyway ... the kind that has twin 13 year old boys that happen to be baby buffalo big. We are being as "green" as possible because we got one with a flex fuel engine. It's pretty cool ... you can use fuel that is 85% Ethanol ... which basically means that you're running on moonshine and a touch of regular unleaded. Bad thing is that there aren't many stations that have this stuff ... only 4 here in Arkansas. Good thing is that its about a buck cheaper than the regular stuff and if I'm runnin' low I can always break into my stash of mountain happiness ... a shot for the van ... a shot for me!
As some of you may already know ... in my other life I'm a minister ... it's true ... I marry people ... I mean I marry couples ... I mean I officiate over marriage ceremonies. Been doin' it for 22 years now so I guess I might be doin' somethin' ok. The reason I bring this up is that I saw Ellen DeGenerous(sp) get all broken up because in California it is now legal for same sex partners to marry and she is now getting married to her girlfriend. I would have hitched her and Portia DeRossi up ... legal or not. Fuck the ultra-religious right! I'm like a fat woman in Spandex ... stretching the bounderies and limitations of the fabric of society with no concern of what the hell anyone else thinks. Lets just hope the knot Ellen ties is stronger than the knot in the pants of the woman in the Spandex at the laundramat .... eeewwwahhhh!
The Spaceneedle
Got a van last week. I know ... what kinda stupid shit would buy a van when gas prices are "bend over and take it" high? ... (fuckin' OPEC and Goerge W. Noballs) Anyway ... the kind that has twin 13 year old boys that happen to be baby buffalo big. We are being as "green" as possible because we got one with a flex fuel engine. It's pretty cool ... you can use fuel that is 85% Ethanol ... which basically means that you're running on moonshine and a touch of regular unleaded. Bad thing is that there aren't many stations that have this stuff ... only 4 here in Arkansas. Good thing is that its about a buck cheaper than the regular stuff and if I'm runnin' low I can always break into my stash of mountain happiness ... a shot for the van ... a shot for me!
As some of you may already know ... in my other life I'm a minister ... it's true ... I marry people ... I mean I marry couples ... I mean I officiate over marriage ceremonies. Been doin' it for 22 years now so I guess I might be doin' somethin' ok. The reason I bring this up is that I saw Ellen DeGenerous(sp) get all broken up because in California it is now legal for same sex partners to marry and she is now getting married to her girlfriend. I would have hitched her and Portia DeRossi up ... legal or not. Fuck the ultra-religious right! I'm like a fat woman in Spandex ... stretching the bounderies and limitations of the fabric of society with no concern of what the hell anyone else thinks. Lets just hope the knot Ellen ties is stronger than the knot in the pants of the woman in the Spandex at the laundramat .... eeewwwahhhh!
The Spaceneedle
Happy (belated)
Mothers Day!
I've decided to make my own holiday ... "Mother Fucker Day". A day when we look back on the entire year and remember those extreme assholes who have appeared in our lives and made us yell out the window of our vehicles or mutter under our breaths at the check out line ... "Mother Fucker". To the obnoxious bitch in the white Escalade that continualy holds up traffic after school while waiting for Suzy to hurry her ass up and stop talking to her "perfect" little friends ... "Mother Fucker"! To the inevitable pomposs ass on the cell phone in the restaraunt who thinks everyone is interest in what is going on in his life and shares his wonderful stories by yelling to the person on the other side of the line ... "Mother Fucker"! To my crazy, inbred neighbors who always find ways to make me shake my head ... "Mother Fucker"! So celebrate with me this Saturday by voicing proudly your opinion of the people who irritate you ... tell them to off themselves ... that suicide tickles and that .... hold on ... Jehova Witnesses at the door ... "Mother Fucker"!
Meteo Cavalese, Italy
Sorry I havn't
written in a while ... I was ... uuummmm ... shopping! Like my new swimsuit!?
I love how strange the world is getting.
The Pope was in the USA ... I love the Mercedes Pope-Mobile ... looks like one of those grab all the cash booths they have at cheesy mall openings. Jamie Lee Curtis says she regrets doing a topless scene in a movie 25 years ago but is now doing a commercial telling us all that she takes a poo on a regular basis thanks to a special yogurt ... I would rather have her bare her breasts than her bowel movement timeline. And now high school girls are using cell-phones to send nude pictures of themselves to guys to get attention to be asked out ... why weren't girls more forward like that when I was younger and WHERE THE FUCK WERE CELL-PHONES WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL!?
The "DC Madam", Deborah Palfrey was found hanged in a shed at her mothers in Florida of an apparent suicide. While I would generally applaud the method I do have some doubts. She had a shitload of Washington DC 2nd class assholes she already burned on the witness stand and in her private books which begs the question ... who else did she have by the short and curlies that were above the wankers she named? I'm generally not a conspiracy nut but ... was it a suicide or was George W. getting orgasmionic with someone ather than Laura?
04/06/2008
I was watching CNN this morning and saw a story about a guy who wasted himself in his backyard with a gunshot to the head. No biggy ... more power to him. But what makes this different is that 12 years ago this gun slinger had a heart transplant. So what you say ... well, right after he got out of the hospital he found out who donated his heart ... started dating the widow of the man who donated the heart and eventually married her ... so how did the first guy die? Yep ... the fucker shot himself in the head in his backyard! I know... your thinking risidual cellular memory or maybe even a spiritual retention related to certain seqular beliefs. Me .. I think the woman is an evil twat that drains these poor assholes of everything until they can't take it anymore.
I was watching CNN this morning and saw a story about a guy who wasted himself in his backyard with a gunshot to the head. No biggy ... more power to him. But what makes this different is that 12 years ago this gun slinger had a heart transplant. So what you say ... well, right after he got out of the hospital he found out who donated his heart ... started dating the widow of the man who donated the heart and eventually married her ... so how did the first guy die? Yep ... the fucker shot himself in the head in his backyard! I know... your thinking risidual cellular memory or maybe even a spiritual retention related to certain seqular beliefs. Me .. I think the woman is an evil twat that drains these poor assholes of everything until they can't take it anymore.
WRIGLEY FIELD This year is the
Cubby's year
03/27/08
WOOHOO
... It's Spring! I can now sit outside and watch the world go
by
and shove my views down your throats. Lets see ... the Apple
Tree's are blooming, grass is getting cut, cars are geting
washed
and all my inbred neighbors are out in their yards for their Spring
fling.
I tell ya' ... the gene pool around here is shallow as they come. The little yellow bus has been full this year. In this town alone they filled up a 12 seater and were thinking of making this a 2 LYB (little yellow bus) town ... but enough got kicked off the bus they could squeeze them in. This summer ... after school lets out ... well ... that should be just a barrel of fuckin' fun. All the tard happy's are gonna be runnin up and down the street just beggin for me someone to throw sticks at them ... doesn't hurt 'em ... just bounces off their helmets. Pinecones are better because they knock 'em off balance just enough to make 'em wobble a bit (weebles wobble but they don't fall down) ... that and pinecones make a heavier thud sound ... so I've heard. Never throw rocks ... leaves a mark thats undeniable. Sticks and pinecones can be written off ... "I'm an old fat guy ... last year they though I was friggin Santa and now they say I'm throwing pinecones at them ... PAHLEEZZE!"
South Padre Island
03/17/08
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Yeah ... I know it was yesterday but I was on some pretty wicked meds that made me stare at the wall most of the day. The kids could have shaved me bald and I wouldn't have given a shit. Even the dog humping the quilt on my bed didn't upset me as much as it should have ... well it was Mrs. Tickles side of the bed and the dog was more mellow the rest of the day so.....
Paul McCartney's divorce is finally over and Heather Mills got 50 million dollars. She says it's not over yet ... what the fuck!? Seriously ... with his age ... 5 seconds of fore play, 10 seconds of intercourse and he's passed out for days trying to recover. Over the course of the marriage they probably only did the humpty dance 10 times ... thats 5 mil a screw ... hell, I'd a fucked the old bastard for 50 mil!
Hey!!! Looks like Britney Spears is getting her life back together and her sister Jamie Lynn is getting ready for mommyhood ..... ahhhh ..... where was I going with this? .... Oh yeah!! ... Who gives a shit!?
Spring Break Cams
Don't forget ... Suicide Tickles
03/15/08
Ok ... I usually never talk politics unless it's a politicians personal expense but the shit has gotten to thick for me not to voice my opinion. Lets Discuss Obama's Pastor ... the Reverend "God Damn America". I've known about this piece of trash for months and didn't say a damn thing and for that I appologize ... I am here to inform and make sure that y'all know whats going on on this side of reality and for not informing you sooner I am sorry ... no I'm not going to off myself you sick fuckers ... but I will correct this wrong. Lets talk Obama's wife ... she said that since her husband is running for pres. that this is the first time she is proud to be an american. Ya' wanna know when I'm proud of my country? ... When I open my eyes in the morning ... So a big fuck off and die to you!
Lets talk about Barack ... I could give a shit less that he is black or that he claims to not be a politician even though he is running for president ... can you be a bigger politician? I care that he is trying to distance himself from Rev. "I hate whitey" even though he has been going to this church for 20 years ... please people ... you don't go to a church for 20 years without agreeing to the basic principles and doctrines of that church.
But ya' wanna know what really tugs on my pubes is that he refuses to wear an American flag on his lapel ... says he wants to show he is patriotic not just wear a flag. Funny, I know of several million Americans who wear the flag with pride everyday and are giving their lives to show their patriotism ... they are called members of the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, National Gaurd and Coast Guard. So listen up you self absorbed, arrogant, over-bearing douche bag ... you are running to be president of the United States of America ... a living symbol of a people that believes in freedom, to stand against all adversity and voice our ideals set forth through over 200 years of trials and tribulations so that we may all claim with with honor and pride that we are Americans! You are asking all citizens of this great country to vote for you to become this great symbol of pride and yet you refuse to wear the one emblem that speaks of pride and self sacrifce greater than any person ever could ... the flag of the United States of America. So, on your terms Mr. Obama ... I will show my patriotism ... I will fly my flag and I will wear red, white and blue with pride ... and Mr. Obama ... I will not vote for you.
To my USA brothers and sisters in the armed forces ... no matter what anyone says about the flag you are wearing on your sleeve or your defence of that flag ... Thank you, God bless you and God Bless The United Stes of America!
03/11/08
Back on flatland! ... well, flatter land. I hope that those of you who tuned into my live broadcast had fun watching the wall of white that was my view looking out my balcony doors. Arkansas hadn't had a winter storm like that in 40 years and all of the sudden mother nature picks those exact 2 days to pull a giant Fuck You! I got the last laugh though ... I peed off the balcony twice onto the pristine snow on the side of the mountain majesty ... and considering how the wind was blowing I'm pretty sure I also melted a shitload on the balcony below us ... and the one next to that. So take that Mother Nature ... I am your bitch no more! AHHH HAHAHAHA!! (yes, that was maniacal laughter)
Eliot Spitzer: Family Man, Politician, Governor of New York, Republican Party Leader and ... international super freak! Whats up Eliot? Home grown hookers not good enough for ya'? Had to go international for a blow job? Good ole' American hand job and ball massage just to lame? I will have you know that the USA produces some of the best looking hookers on this planet! And as far as I'm concerned theres nothin' better than a down home, old fashioned blow job ... ask my wife ... I'm always asking for one. So, Eliot, if there were a candidate for suicide this week it would be you ... I think you should end the shit now ... Suicide Tickles ....... Trust Me!
I tell ya' ... the gene pool around here is shallow as they come. The little yellow bus has been full this year. In this town alone they filled up a 12 seater and were thinking of making this a 2 LYB (little yellow bus) town ... but enough got kicked off the bus they could squeeze them in. This summer ... after school lets out ... well ... that should be just a barrel of fuckin' fun. All the tard happy's are gonna be runnin up and down the street just beggin for me someone to throw sticks at them ... doesn't hurt 'em ... just bounces off their helmets. Pinecones are better because they knock 'em off balance just enough to make 'em wobble a bit (weebles wobble but they don't fall down) ... that and pinecones make a heavier thud sound ... so I've heard. Never throw rocks ... leaves a mark thats undeniable. Sticks and pinecones can be written off ... "I'm an old fat guy ... last year they though I was friggin Santa and now they say I'm throwing pinecones at them ... PAHLEEZZE!"
South Padre Island
03/17/08
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Yeah ... I know it was yesterday but I was on some pretty wicked meds that made me stare at the wall most of the day. The kids could have shaved me bald and I wouldn't have given a shit. Even the dog humping the quilt on my bed didn't upset me as much as it should have ... well it was Mrs. Tickles side of the bed and the dog was more mellow the rest of the day so.....
Paul McCartney's divorce is finally over and Heather Mills got 50 million dollars. She says it's not over yet ... what the fuck!? Seriously ... with his age ... 5 seconds of fore play, 10 seconds of intercourse and he's passed out for days trying to recover. Over the course of the marriage they probably only did the humpty dance 10 times ... thats 5 mil a screw ... hell, I'd a fucked the old bastard for 50 mil!
Hey!!! Looks like Britney Spears is getting her life back together and her sister Jamie Lynn is getting ready for mommyhood ..... ahhhh ..... where was I going with this? .... Oh yeah!! ... Who gives a shit!?
Spring Break Cams
Don't forget ... Suicide Tickles
03/15/08
Ok ... I usually never talk politics unless it's a politicians personal expense but the shit has gotten to thick for me not to voice my opinion. Lets Discuss Obama's Pastor ... the Reverend "God Damn America". I've known about this piece of trash for months and didn't say a damn thing and for that I appologize ... I am here to inform and make sure that y'all know whats going on on this side of reality and for not informing you sooner I am sorry ... no I'm not going to off myself you sick fuckers ... but I will correct this wrong. Lets talk Obama's wife ... she said that since her husband is running for pres. that this is the first time she is proud to be an american. Ya' wanna know when I'm proud of my country? ... When I open my eyes in the morning ... So a big fuck off and die to you!
Lets talk about Barack ... I could give a shit less that he is black or that he claims to not be a politician even though he is running for president ... can you be a bigger politician? I care that he is trying to distance himself from Rev. "I hate whitey" even though he has been going to this church for 20 years ... please people ... you don't go to a church for 20 years without agreeing to the basic principles and doctrines of that church.
But ya' wanna know what really tugs on my pubes is that he refuses to wear an American flag on his lapel ... says he wants to show he is patriotic not just wear a flag. Funny, I know of several million Americans who wear the flag with pride everyday and are giving their lives to show their patriotism ... they are called members of the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, National Gaurd and Coast Guard. So listen up you self absorbed, arrogant, over-bearing douche bag ... you are running to be president of the United States of America ... a living symbol of a people that believes in freedom, to stand against all adversity and voice our ideals set forth through over 200 years of trials and tribulations so that we may all claim with with honor and pride that we are Americans! You are asking all citizens of this great country to vote for you to become this great symbol of pride and yet you refuse to wear the one emblem that speaks of pride and self sacrifce greater than any person ever could ... the flag of the United States of America. So, on your terms Mr. Obama ... I will show my patriotism ... I will fly my flag and I will wear red, white and blue with pride ... and Mr. Obama ... I will not vote for you.
To my USA brothers and sisters in the armed forces ... no matter what anyone says about the flag you are wearing on your sleeve or your defence of that flag ... Thank you, God bless you and God Bless The United Stes of America!
03/11/08
Back on flatland! ... well, flatter land. I hope that those of you who tuned into my live broadcast had fun watching the wall of white that was my view looking out my balcony doors. Arkansas hadn't had a winter storm like that in 40 years and all of the sudden mother nature picks those exact 2 days to pull a giant Fuck You! I got the last laugh though ... I peed off the balcony twice onto the pristine snow on the side of the mountain majesty ... and considering how the wind was blowing I'm pretty sure I also melted a shitload on the balcony below us ... and the one next to that. So take that Mother Nature ... I am your bitch no more! AHHH HAHAHAHA!! (yes, that was maniacal laughter)
Eliot Spitzer: Family Man, Politician, Governor of New York, Republican Party Leader and ... international super freak! Whats up Eliot? Home grown hookers not good enough for ya'? Had to go international for a blow job? Good ole' American hand job and ball massage just to lame? I will have you know that the USA produces some of the best looking hookers on this planet! And as far as I'm concerned theres nothin' better than a down home, old fashioned blow job ... ask my wife ... I'm always asking for one. So, Eliot, if there were a candidate for suicide this week it would be you ... I think you should end the shit now ... Suicide Tickles ....... Trust Me!
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